Page 9


	Page 9: krs Review: Lady in the Water is Dead in the Water January 18, 2007

Summary: Almost as much fun as a trip to a Roman Vomitorium

Rating: Deeeluxe Stinkeroo

Best Part: "Uh, let me get back to you on that..."
Worst Part: Beginning, Middle, and End... in that order.

Good Gawd, M. Night Shyamalan, what have you DONE? I have truly enjoyed all of M. Night's movies. "I see dead people!" Geez, could that have been any more creepy and clever? "Signs" -- wacky but entertaining. "Unbreakable" -- can you go wrong with Bruce Willis and Samuel L? And then there was "The Village," which was panned by many critics. I loved it. William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Joaquin Phoenix, and Ron Howard's daughter spin a tale for you (against a soundtrack of a remarkably beautiful violin soloist) that you won't soon forget and will have ample trouble figuring out as the story unfolds. So, the critics pan of "Lady In the Water" didn't deter me an iota. I slipped the DVD in and fired up Tubezilla -- with expectations set to "High." One third of the way through the movie, I was sort of interested. One half way through, I was bewildered. Three fourths of the way through, I was disgusted. And at the end, I was Mad As Hell! This is possibly the WORST MOVIE I have seen in 20 years -- and as a horror movie buff, I have seen scads of stinkers. The storyline is an absolute DISASTER. Ridiculous. Absurd. Not only can you not follow it, you don't want to. Will SOMEBODY PLEASE GRAB THE CRACK PIPE AWAY FROM MISTER SHYAMALAN -- OR GINSENG, OR COFFEE, OR WHATEVER HAS CAUSED THIS PROBLEM. Don't get me wrong. I like horror (this ain't horror). I like science fiction (this ain't science fiction). And I'm fine with far-out fantasy flicks (this ain't fantasy). What this is… is an absolute frikkin' MESS. There is no fixing it. I had an overwhelming desire to rip the DVD out and make an attempt at using it for toilet paper, but then I decided that would really give the DVD far more dignity than it deserves. M. Night! Reality called! They said to jump into your purple, foil covered spaceship, blast off from Planet Cuckoo, and come back down to Earth where you can make decent movies! Hello??? Hello??? IS ANYBODY THERE? OVER!!!! krs gives this stinker zero stars. Stay far, far away and don't waste the time. You'd be far better off getting your molars pulled out with rusty pliers...

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Good Gawd, M. Night Shyamalan, what have you DONE?

I have truly enjoyed all of M. Night's movies. "I see dead people!" Geez, could that have been any more creepy and clever? "Signs" -- wacky but entertaining. "Unbreakable" -- can you go wrong with Bruce Willis and Samuel L? And then there was "The Village," which was panned by many critics. I loved it. William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Joaquin Phoenix, and Ron Howard's daughter spin a tale for you (against a soundtrack of a remarkably beautiful violin soloist) that you won't soon forget and will have ample trouble figuring out as the story unfolds.

So, the critics pan of "Lady In the Water" didn't deter me an iota. I slipped the DVD in and fired up Tubezilla -- with expectations set to "High."

One third of the way through the movie, I was sort of interested. One half way through, I was bewildered. Three fourths of the way through, I was disgusted. And at the end, I was Mad As Hell!

This is possibly the WORST MOVIE I have seen in 20 years -- and as a horror movie buff, I have seen scads of stinkers. The storyline is an absolute DISASTER. Ridiculous. Absurd. Not only can you not follow it, you don't want to. Will SOMEBODY PLEASE GRAB THE CRACK PIPE AWAY FROM MISTER SHYAMALAN -- OR GINSENG, OR COFFEE, OR WHATEVER HAS CAUSED THIS PROBLEM.

Don't get me wrong. I like horror (this ain't horror). I like science fiction (this ain't science fiction). And I'm fine with far-out fantasy flicks (this ain't fantasy). What this is… is an absolute frikkin' MESS. There is no fixing it. I had an overwhelming desire to rip the DVD out and make an attempt at using it for toilet paper, but then I decided that would really give the DVD far more dignity than it deserves.

M. Night! Reality called! They said to jump into your purple, foil covered spaceship, blast off from Planet Cuckoo, and come back down to Earth where you can make decent movies! Hello??? Hello??? IS ANYBODY THERE? OVER!!!!

krs gives this stinker zero stars. Stay far, far away and don't waste the time. You'd be far better off getting your molars pulled out with rusty pliers...