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	__________________________________ Page 79 Hooked on Pot March 21, 2008 _______________________________________________________
As my old pastor friend Steve Lucas would say, "you just can't make this @#$# up." I think we can all agree that generally speaking, ladies love to sit on the toilet. At least, the ones in my house do- [meanwhile, on the bridge of the Batcave... "DANGER! DANGER!" Robot exclaimed. "MY SENSORS INDICATE krs IS MOVING INTO DANGEROUS TERRITORY." "He is being a complete maroon," Nunzilla snapped. "Barbie, open a comm channel. Captain! This is the bridge. In the name of all things holy in the Good Book, stop now before you bring the hellfire down upon us all!!" "This is not logical," BatBarbie said. "Logic clearly dictates that misogynist allusions and toilet references never successfully mix." "He recently wrote about his zipper, for God's sake," Nunzilla steamed. "The man obviously isn't playing with a full poker hand. All he has is a deuce, and he thinks he's got a 'royal flush'. CAPTAIN!!!" "No response," BatBarbie reported. "I don't think he has his communicator on..."] I simply mean, empirical studies in my household (specifically in the car on road trips) indicate that the female members of the family must make emergency toilet stops approximately every 6.2 minutes -- compared to some 36 hours for the males. Analysis implies that it MIGHT -- might -- have something to do with the ladies drinking over 4 gallons of liquid per hour, although some insist that is mere coincidence. Another theory is that the problem is related to having a bladder the size of a pea (can't you just hear the irony screaming?). In any case, this computes to some 8 hours a day of quality toilet seating time for the average female when one does the math of a 3 minute seating times the six jillion daily trips. I am certainly not passing any moral judgments here. Let's be perfectly clear that men aren't better because they "pee pee less," and no one should be made fun of because of their disturbingly prolific urination habits. No, I'm just pointing out that this type of behavior is *dangerous*. And to support my case, I offer the following story from CNN (yes, it's really true). Please! Listen! The seat you save may be your own.
March 12, 2008 WICHITA, Kan. (AP)— Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years. Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it." "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."
The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said. The boyfriend told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom."And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom." The boyfriend, Kory McFarren, 36, said he can't be certain how long Pam Babcock stayed in the bathroom because "time just went by so quick I can't pinpoint how long." Whipple said the county attorney will determine whether any charges should be filed against McFarren. She was reported in fair condition Wednesday at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators. James Ellis, a neighbor, said he had known the woman since she was a child, but that he had not seen her for at least six years. "I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," Ellis said.

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Page 79

Hooked on Pot

March 21, 2008

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As my old pastor friend Steve Lucas would say, "you just can't make this @#$# up."

I think we can all agree that generally speaking, ladies love to sit on the toilet. At least, the ones in my house do-

[meanwhile, on the bridge of the Batcave...

"DANGER! DANGER!" Robot exclaimed. "MY SENSORS INDICATE krs IS MOVING INTO DANGEROUS TERRITORY."

"He is being a complete maroon," Nunzilla snapped. "Barbie, open a comm channel. Captain! This is the bridge. In the name of all things holy in the Good Book, stop now before you bring the hellfire down upon us all!!"

"This is not logical," BatBarbie said. "Logic clearly dictates that misogynist allusions and toilet references never successfully mix."

"He recently wrote about his zipper, for God's sake," Nunzilla steamed. "The man obviously isn't playing with a full poker hand. All he has is a deuce, and he thinks he's got a 'royal flush'. CAPTAIN!!!"

"No response," BatBarbie reported. "I don't think he has his communicator on..."]

I simply mean, empirical studies in my household (specifically in the car on road trips) indicate that the female members of the family must make emergency toilet stops approximately every 6.2 minutes -- compared to some 36 hours for the males. Analysis implies that it MIGHT -- might -- have something to do with the ladies drinking over 4 gallons of liquid per hour, although some insist that is mere coincidence. Another theory is that the problem is related to having a bladder the size of a pea (can't you just hear the irony screaming?). In any case, this computes to some 8 hours a day of quality toilet seating time for the average female when one does the math of a 3 minute seating times the six jillion daily trips.

I am certainly not passing any moral judgments here. Let's be perfectly clear that men aren't better because they "pee pee less," and no one should be made fun of because of their disturbingly prolific urination habits. No, I'm just pointing out that this type of behavior is dangerous. And to support my case, I offer the following story from CNN (yes, it's really true). Please! Listen! The seat you save may be your own.

March 12, 2008

WICHITA, Kan. (AP)— Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said. The boyfriend told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom."And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom." The boyfriend, Kory McFarren, 36, said he can't be certain how long Pam Babcock stayed in the bathroom because "time just went by so quick I can't pinpoint how long."

Whipple said the county attorney will determine whether any charges should be filed against McFarren.

She was reported in fair condition Wednesday at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

James Ellis, a neighbor, said he had known the woman since she was a child, but that he had not seen her for at least six years. "I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," Ellis said.