'Tis the season… when all of the crazies in our neighborhood dress up and get together for a big Halloween blow-out. In the spirit of going overboard, Aaron & Aylin blasted hundreds of Evites out -- but only about a zillion people showed up. They were all there. Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad, extra-hairy Wolf. The Mummy. Geisha Girl. Sushi Chef. Oprah. Dracula. And this year, there was a plethora of "Boxes," which cannot be explained in a family forum, but refers to a cardboard box creatively attached "in an anatomic and egregious fashion." If you've been on the other side of the moon and missed it, ask Mr. Google about "Justin Timberlake box" and then you'll understand. Ahem. So of course, Aaron was parading around with his wee little box…

Aylin had two rules for this party. Rule #1, NO red beverages. Water, sprite, Chardonnay, transparent beer, and Seven Up were the only options -- along with the suspiciously brackish Witches Brew. Rule #2, only the powder room was open for bio bid'ness; all other privies were locked up tight. In "hindsight," this might have been a bad idea; the poor powder room looked like it had been through World War II.

Kathy went as Naughty Cook, which is almost as difficult as "the Box" to explain, but it involved a trick apron. I went as Heidi, Helga's sister. [Helga was the one who showed up in a gold macramé dress some years back, really frightening Kathy's pal Terry Gal. "Please, please, never be Helga again!" she begged.] So, her little sister Heidi made an appearance in her big giant inflatable red bikini. "Meine naame es HEIDI!" she shrilled, pretty much constantly. She had a lot of trouble at the party; all the men kept saying inappropriate things and making lewd passes. It was enough to make a poor, gullible, grossly over-inflated Hungarian transvestite cry -- but instead, Heidi just laughed and laughed.

Unfortunately, Heidi unexpectedly blew out her liver when she had TWO -- count them, just TWO -- little glasses of punch from the "Witches Brew" cauldron. Nobody mentioned the Brew was spiked with jet fuel -- the witches!!! Heidi became disoriented and "slipped" by the fire pit. Luckily, she didn't break anything as Julius Caesar broke her fall.

Biker Chick & Helga, 2003; Heidi & Naughty Cook, 2007

As you can see, the neighbors are really quite talented in the costume department... and Aylin reports that after disinfecting and sandblasting, the powder room came through just fine.