I met her for the first time a few years ago at Kathy's Grandad's 90th birthday party. "Cousin Venus is going to sing," Kathy explained breathily, "she's bringing her 'keyboard'." Everyone was thrilled -- me too, but more in the sense you get when are going out to see a horror movie...

But Cousin Venus -- almost 80 then -- actually pulled it off. Without the 1944 orchestra to accompany her, she opted for a $19.44 Casio keyboard, which she played with one, sometimes two fingers, while she belted out a home-written number about Grandaddy Windy to the tune of "The Mickey Mouse Club." And she had a monologue!

I learned she's quiiite a character. Her recent activities include suing the federal government under Clinton for $300 BILLION (she, er, didn't prevail), and then running for president in 2004. Her platform was something about tobacco farming, but I couldn’t quite figure out if she was fer or aggin' it -- likely fer, since she owns a tobacco farm.

Well, it seems Cousin Venus is all over the news because she shot the tires out of the car of alleged thieves in her barn in Kentucky and detained them at gunpoint. All this while hobbling around on her walker. This story made headlines everywhere -- from MSNBC to Fox and from the the Los Angeles Times to The Boston Globe. Cousin Venus, YOU GO GIRL! -- I *love* her quote at the end...

82-Year-Old Ex-Beauty Queen Stops Intruder by Shooting Out Tires

Associated Press, Saturday, April 21, 2007

Venus Ramey has earned lots of fame in her 82 years.She was Miss America 1944. She performed on Broadway and in movies.

And she has never been a shrinking violet. Back when Vanessa Williams was stripped of her own Miss America crown in 1984 for those infamous nude photos, Venus was quoted as calling her a “slut.” And when 1998 Miss America's Katherine Shindle came out in support of distributing condoms in schools, Venus went on to write to Shindle that in Ramey's day there was "a name for girls who hand out condoms, and it wasn't Miss America."

Now, though, she's in the news for another reason. After confronting a man she said was stealing from her Kentucky farm, Ramey pulled out a gun and shot out a tire on his truck so he couldn't leave, allowing police to arrest him and two others.

"He was probably wetting his pants," Ramey said Thursday from her home in Waynesburg, about 140 miles south of Cincinnati.

Ramey was on her Lincoln County farm last week feeding a horse when she saw her dog run to a nearby building where she stores old steel-shaping machines, lathes and other equipment. "This stuff is over 100 years old," she said. She drove over to the building and blocked the truck sitting there.

When she asked a man what he was doing, he replied "scrapping," and said he would leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey said. She had to balance on her walking stick as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun. "I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it. If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now."

Ramey then tried to flag down people driving by. When one stopped, she asked them to call 911. Eventually, three people were arrested - one at the scene and two others walking on a nearby road. "They've been stealing from me for years. Those good-for-nothing slobs," she said.

Ramey, who lived in Cincinnati on and off for about 30 years, admitted that she is known for taking chances for what she believes in. Don't ask her if she was Miss America. "I still am. You never live it down," she said before laughing. "There's only one in 1944 - and I'm it."

Ramey left Cincinnati in 1990 to return to the quiet farm life she loves. Now, she just wants to be left alone - especially by criminals. "I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is one thing after another."